Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
