i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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