Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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