I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
