My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
