the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
