I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
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