yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
