Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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