Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
