she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
