Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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