You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
