Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
