I want to walk on stilts...naked
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
