I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The uberlube is also flammable
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
