i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
