Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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