i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
