She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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