grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Fuck appropriateness.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
