Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
