No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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