9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
