I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
