PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
