Soap is not a condiment
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Say something about gay babies.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
