I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
