so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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