I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
