You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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