My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
