I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
