I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It's Friday. Sex?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
