Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
