I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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