The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
