ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
