You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
