Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
