how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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