i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
