Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just found a bag of teeth...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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