We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
