guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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