Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
