I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
