remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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