If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
