That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
