considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
