I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
love makes seman taste better
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
